Japanese Women now free to enjoy mouth meat.

this is the (partially obscured) face of equality

By Ana

Good news! Those muffled moans you've been listening to all month are actually the sound of Japanese women taking an appreciative bite of out of their hamburgers... from behind a chastity muzzle. (So you can stop glaring at your neighbor every morning the elevator. Sorry, Mrs. Papadopoulos.)

According to Huffingtonpost, who probably won't mind that I borrowed one of their images,  this revolutionary East Asian dining accessory, is referred to as  the "Liberation Wrapper."  (Which, as it turns out, doesn't mean "condom," aaand might also explain why the Trinidadian guy at the gas station looked so confused.)

Instead its a type of napkin used to "cover a woman's face, thus "freeing" her to devour a burger without fear of exposing one of her germiest cavities to the world. (I assume they eat their beef raw too? ...Is something a racist or Alec Baldwin might say.)

According to Mr. Huffington, this creepy convention, brought on by the "trend known as “ochobo” --AKA having a "small and modest mouth" -- has caught on to the point where it's considered rude for women to flap their beaks in public. So when Japanese restaurant chain owners noticed a gender discrepancy in the sales of their large Classic Burger, they chalked it up to their female customers' adherence to cultural norms... Hence a need for the Liberation Wrapper. It all makes sense!

hey girl, why you covering up those fine lips?

And I thought I was oppressed for being a government sponsored infant carrier.

Introducing "thigh gap"

 By Ana CL

As if our beauty standards weren't arbitrary enough, there's been a new regulation introduced to its ever-shrinking confines.

Introducing thigh gap:  the creepy, and inexplicable obsession of sexy people all over the  Western Hemisphere!

It used to be that a person's hotness could be determined through such straightforward means as: establishing facial symmetry, or  calibrating stomach flatness. (it doesn't count if you're sucking in!) Gone are the days, when the markers of beauty were limited to a sufficiently adorable nose, or a  sufficiently white mother. It seems we have now reached the age of the Mandatory Thigh Gap.

Thigh gap, or that gap between a skinny woman's thighs, was covertly inducted into the Official Hall of  Beauty standards, sometime in 2013. (Apparently, while I was in the shower.)
And like all healthy people,  I am still coming to terms with this development. Over a second lunch.