I May Be Dead, But I'm Still Pretty; On Buffy And Growing Up a Babe.

By Anči

Die Patriarchy!

This weekend, my boyfriend and I finished watching the first season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer-- it was his first viewing, and very likely my... 20th? (not really, but suffice to say, I've re-watched the show more than a few times..)
 It only took a few episodes to remind me how clever and profound the series truly is. Almost 20 years after Joss Whedon's feminist opus premiered, it still resonates just as deeply with its viewers. (the same of which, can hardly be said of most shows that old.)
 
Another thing that struck me, is that even after all the Girl Power type shows i've watched since my introduction to Buffy, (from Lost Girl, to Veronica Mars..) none of the sexy slayer's descendants come close to diminishing the luster and power of the original chosen one. Buffy simply stands alone-- a gem, surrounded by copycats and wannabes.

I only discovered Buffy in college, but I genuinely wish I had stumbled upon it during high school, when I was at my loneliest, and least empowered. Seeing a heroine like Buffy, bravely taking on her demons--quite literally--in a suburban high school setting, would have given me someone to relate to. I think I would have felt stronger, seeing an outsider like Buffy represented as such a complex, resolute badass; when I was feeling so weak and impotent.
What makes Buffy so unique, compared to all her TV peers like say, Bo from "Lost Girl" is that she has a dynamic inner life,  not to mention a complicated set of motivations that go far beyond the standard  hot-girl-seeks-hot-guy. She has integrity and character, and is a fiercely loyal friend to her band of equally well-developed sidekicks: Xander, Willow, and Giles. (all of whom are deserving of  an analyses of their own, but maybe i'll get to them in a future post...)

Throughout the series our plucky protagonist gets dumped and played by jerky (and occasionally demonic) boyfriends, but never lets the ensuing heartbreak get in the way of her most pressing gig-- that of being the Slayer.  (Unlike her inferior counterpart Bella from those ridiculous twilight movies, who if memory serves me correctly, tried to drown herself when the sparkly guy went away.) More importantly, Buffy never takes shit from men in her life-- even and especially when she happens to be in love with them.
Even and especially if it means ending up alone. (Whereas Carrie Bradshaw always found her way back to shitty, abusive Big, and my beloved Veronica Mars always found her way back to shitty abusive Logan. And no, don't say he loves her. He's still shitty.)

 I wish I had internalized Buffy's brand of conviction throughout my own tumultuous teenage years... but sadly, I was of the variety of girl who would fall apart at every rejection--romantic, or social. And the idea that someone like me could not only overcome obstacles like betrayal, and abandonment, but also continue 'slaying' her own forces of darkness despite such adversity, just didn't occur to me.
It wasn't that Buffy didn't suffer heartbreaks just like any other person. On the contrary, she was pretty prone to falling into deep depressions-- most unnervingly, after hooking up with one cute college boy, only to be brushed off and discarded immediately thereafter. Of course it's understandable that such a brutal sendoff would leave our slayer feeling hurt and confused; even plunging her into a temporary spiral of anxiety and self-doubt. But the key here was, that at no point did this crisis disorient or displace Buffy's deeply held convictions about her purpose on earth....which is kinda the whole point of "not taking shit" from someone, and which is a distinction I couldn't wrap my head around at that age. I simply didn't understand that while depression wasn't necessarily a sign of weakness, (but rather a healthy, normal reaction to crushing disappointment,) losing oneself as a result, was.
 As far as I was concerned, I would never escape the black hole of my adolescent angst, because I didn't appreciate that there were still fights to be had. Fights and struggles, that were actually worthy of my time and attention; setbacks and obstacles that would shape me into a stronger more compassionate, competent woman. And what all of that comprehension boils down to, is having a sense of self-- which Buffy undeniably did.



But now for a few stray observations on the very last episode of season 1 (which is currently freshest in my mind:) Trust me guys, this is sexy stuff!
So here we see a beautiful Buffy dressed in a white prom dress (a deliberate choice of color) getting ready for her final confrontation with The Master. (A deliberate choice of moniker.)  Awesomely enough, this Master, AKA the leader of the Vampires, is meant to be an obvious metaphor for The Patriarchy. He is the ultimate oppressive force in Buffy's life, and as such, suffers from the same delusions of grandeur harbored by most patriarchs of his creepy ilk.
 In this case, the master unwisely bets on the the slayer's demise, once he "impresses" upon her several (unimpressive) inches of pointy yellow teeth.  Surely, it's a violation  no woman could recover from, he reasons. [it even says so in his holy book!] But like most women who have been penetrated against their will, Buffy doesn't stay down for long. With the help of two of her friends, she gets up;  her billowy white dress filthy from the fight... (so much symbolism, guyssss!)

and by the end of the episode she has tracked down and slayed her vampire, in an epic moment of reverse-penetration. (Who needs penis envy when we have stakes?)

On Self-Pleasure and Scottish Royalty

By Anči

Anyone close to me knows that I am a sucker for two things: geeky men of color and soapy period dramas.
Regarding the former, (which I'm hoping means "the first thing I said") I have no complaints. (hi honey!)  But regarding the latter, I've always felt there was something missing.

That is until I discovered CW's "historical" drama (a series called "Reign")  about Mary Queen of Scots.
Now I use the term "historical" loosely, since the show is technically about a non-existent love triangle between Queen Mary, Prince Frances and his made-up brother Bash. (it figures the only hot dude would be the figment of a hungry writer's imagination.)

check out those fashion-forward 16th century lovebirds.

Then there's the small matter that Queen Mary looked more like this:

hubba hubba

and less like this:

pretty sure the real Queen of Scots would have been executed for wearing this outfit. Oh wait*

But whatever, it's TV right? And this post isn't meant to be a review of the show (which by the way, gets 10 stars!!!!)

 The reason I wanted to bring the show up, (other then to plug it. Cause it needs to stick around for six seasons and a movie,*)  is because of an alleged controversy regarding a hastily censored moment in the first episode
 Turns out the offending shot was of a lady in waiting getting sexual pleasure in some other way than the traditional penis-in-her-vagina method.
 Yes that's right, Miss abigail was fondling her own garden.**

The scene was then recut to simply suggest that the renaissance babe had started lowering her hand... just as the King of France appears and romantically creepily offers to "help her out." (Hey, that's how my grandparents met too!)

because it's somehow less upsetting to see a middle aged man hijack a young woman's solo-session, than it is to see the same woman happily finger-banging herself in peace.

Everytime you wank it, a monarch loses his wings.

This isn't the first or last time a film or TV show has refused to air dramatizations of women getting off without the aid of a penile implant.
In fact, it just happened recently to actress Evan Rachel Wood in her upcoming movie Charlie Countryman:

Says the article: "According to Wood, the Motion Picture Association of America  forced [the] director to cut images of Shia le Beouf's character performing oral sex on Wood's character in order to secure an R-rating ...as opposed to an NC-17 rating, which can tank the commercial viability of a film."

Really? Simulated cunnilingus is too graphic for Hollywood?

Now think about the number times you've seen a woman kneeling in front a guy in an R-rated movie. Then think of all the times you've seen a guy on top, or behind of, a woman in an R-rated movie. Then remember all the  times you've seen a male character sexually assault or rape a female character in an R-rated movie.  So ...why exactly does the harmless image of a dude performing oral sex on a woman automatically render a film NC-17?

I'll tell you why. Because in that case, it's the woman who's on the receiving end of pleasure. AND she's also getting it without the assistance of man-meat.. Which no doubt freaks a lot of male studio execs out. (sorry guys, your dongs aren't that special. and penis-envy isn't real!)

thoughts?



* Spoiler alert: she really did get executed.

*copywrite dan harmon

** I know the character's name is  Kenna. 'Abigail' can also means lady in waiting. (Shows how many bodice-rippers you've read, Myrtle.)

So I started watching "Girls"

By Anči

I know I'm a little late to the party here-- I only started watching "Girls" this past month.  (But that's because I take my show commitment's seriously, and I needed to finish processing Mad Men.)

Anyway we're not going to attempt an analyses or review here, because pretty much any observation I've made has already been unpacked on multiple blogs: the lack of people of color,  the amount of privilege written into the show, the quiet dignity of Lena Dunham's butt....

I do want however, to talk a bit about the reviews of the show--- some have been valid, but plenty have been startlingly unfair: The most infuriating charge being, that the characters on the show are immature, privileged and self-involved. Funny, you could say the exact same about Mad Men's Don Draper-- who is selfish, self-centered, wealthy, and on top of that an abusive alcoholic, raging misogynist, and pathological liar.
But unlike Dunham's alter ego Hannah Horvath, Draper also happens to be  charismatic, smooth and alpha-male enough to be forgiven for his shockingly shitty behavior. When Hannah acts self-involved (at the age of 24, compared to Draper's 40) we enjoy calling her out on it.  It's fun to snark on entitled bitches, isn't it? Especially if they also happen to be "fat."

This is what a real self-involved bitch looks like.

Draper on the other hand,  manipulates and berates everyone in his life in order to get his way...while maintaining his  identity as dapper, misunderstood, moody  and  "tortured" [boo hoo, I faked my entire identity, banged everyone's wife,  and now my life is really hard.]

Now I challenge you to find a single review that dreamily refers to Hannah as a "misunderstood tortured soul." Ten extra points for  additional  gushing adjectives like "mysterious." (You may not believe me, but Hannah Horvath is about exactly as mysterious as Don Draper: Why is she such a delicious mess of contradictions? It's a mystery.)

I'm not saying Hannah is a wonderful person. (Although frankly I like her, and I'd want to be friends with her. ) but the amount of backlash her character's been getting is starting to feel suspiciously gender-specific.  Because for all her flaws, the sheer amount of contempt and anger directed at this 24 year old white girl cannot possibly be justified. 

"I have my own show, a Golden Globe, and a book deal. What do you have, besides a prescription for Viagra??"

The biggest indicators of this misogynist girl-hate, were the ragey reactions to Hannah's fling with a character played by Patrick Wilson. In fact, Slate devoted an entire article to the episode... wherein two dudes expressed their mutual disgust and horror at the notion of a hot guy like Patrick Wilson wanting someone like Hannah Horvath. (a witty, adorable, sexually adventurous 24 year old? Blech!)

So time to unpack:

The article kicks off with the first injured reviewer whining: "Really, the whole thing left me baffled and uncomfortable. Why are these people having sex, when they are so clearly mismatched—in style, in looks..."

(Um, is this your first time watching TV? Are you really, that uncomfortable seeing a "mismatched" couple having sex? Did you react the same way when Mad Men's Roger married his 20 year old secretary - under much, much creepier circumstances?)

First reviewer then goes on to wonder: "Why is he kissing her and begging her to stay over?"
 (Oh I don't know, maybe because he's horny, he's attracted to her, and she seems to be willing?)

Second dude chimes in with a  version of "yeah, bro,"  stating: "Presumably there are things that Hannah would not, in any world that resembled our own, get. Such as Patrick Wilson, for instance."
(First of all beta boy, she's not banging Patrick Wilson,  she's banging his character Joshua, whom we know nothing about. And who are you to decide who Hannah can or can't get? Maybe she couldn't get you, (such a big loss for her, I know.) But I'm pretty sure you don't speak for every person in the world.)

Then we're back to First dude, who  procedes to call our Hannah out for being "Sexually ungenerous" (because, when a girl like that gets the opportunity to sleep with a hot guy, she needs to act gratefully  subservient, right?) His bases for this assessment is the awesome moment wherein Hannah tells Joshua "“no, make me come."(in response to his instructing her to "make [him] come" first. ) So its ungenerous when Hannah throws his original command back in his face? What if she had gone with it, would that have made Patrick Wilson's character sexually ungenerous? Also haven't these "reviewers" ever heard of sexual teasing, and power play? Lighten up, bros!

My favorite moment in this exchange comes next, when first dude brands Hannah "Defiantly ungraceful." aaaand queue the gaydar.
Okay, maybe its unfair to speculate about this guy's sexuality-- but if he can only get hot for a graceful black swan, then maybe.... he's not really into the ladies? All I'm saying is that If he had ever slept with a girl  he'd know that we don't spend our time waltzing around like flowers. We have belly fat that folds over when we sit, and sometimes we go days without putting on a shirt. (You're welcome.)


Questions?

Rebel Wilson's not just a 'fat girl.'

By Ana CL

So I was pretty excited when I heard that Rebel Wilson was coming out with her own show. She's an insanely fierce funnywomen, blessed with killer comedic timing, and a hulkish on-camera presence, to rival any network front-liner's.  (swoooon!)
Not to mention that unlike many other TV-actresses,  Ms. Wilson doesn't have the dainty limbs, or model-like proportions necessary to mask a weak  performance. (I'm looking at you, Whitney Cummings. That's right, thin+snarky doesn't a comedienne make!)
All in all, a solid start for Rebel. (and a bitchy start for me, amirite?)


But after checking out the first 2 episodes of her sitcom, (Super Fun Night), I was forced to conclude that the new series was not only undeserving of the high-powered feminist anticipation it's been afforded, but undeserving of Rebel Wilson herself.

It seems that like her fellow plus-size comedienne Melissa McCarthy, Rebel's been relegated to the network basement of fat-jokes,  populated by zingers like “The only trophy I ever won was for the ‘guess the weight of your own boobs’ competition." Other such highlights involve scenes of Rebel's character Kimmie,  barreling into a meeting  unannounced--  after hearing jelly donuts would be served. Unsurprisingly, this moment is then followed by a cringeworthy admission on Kimmie's part, recounting a time her hand got stuck in a vending machine. ( On TV, fatness must always be justified with hillariously undignified antics.)

That's right, with all her starpower, ABC couldn't trust Rebel Wilson to carry a show about anything other than weight-gags. It's not even that i'm against 'mean-humor' per se, (yes, it's problematic, but it's also a delicious staple of network Television. ) I just find it disappointing that the creators of  her character, couldn't be bothered to come up with any other traits to goof on, than the obvious size factor.

(Plus, it just seems like lazy writing, to say "hey guys, she's fat" and then coast for the rest of the episode.)

Hilarious! let's turn this into a whole episode!

On top of that, the show  does Kimmie the additional disservice of desexualizing her. (A standard practice on  TV, where fat womens' sexualities are either erased, or played for laughs.) We're acquainted with this impulse early on in the pilot, when a beautiful co worker named Kendall asks Kimmie about her relationship with their boss's son.  The ensuing exchange goes:

 Kimmie: "Richard and I are just friends."
Kendall: "with benefits?"
Kimmie:"is sharing stationary a benefit?"

Really, a grown woman is so clueless about sex, she doesn't know the term "friends with benefits?" Are you kidding me with that, writers?


Sadly, our sassy heroine doesn't fair much better in the second episode, wherein she and her friends sign up for an online dating service (Quick poll: How many people foresee imminent humiliation?) :  And after securing a response from some guys looking for a group outing, (is that a thing?) they discover its only because Kimmie had pretended to be a Russian model.

Get it? Fat women are undesirable liars, who need to trick men into going out with them. How novel. 


What are your thoughts?

Why Mindy Kaling irritates me.

 By Anči

I've been a conflicted fan of Mindy Kaling's for a while now-- on the one hand, she's a wickedly refreshing presence in the media-- as the first Indian-American star of a network show, ('The Mindy Project,' which she also created,) a respected comedy writer who's penned a best-selling memoir, along with multiple "the office" episodes... it's pretty clear the lady is a badass. Oh and I didn't even mention her deliciously abundant exterior-- the likes of which are so rarely featured on TV.  ( she likes to call herself 'chubby.'  I say sure, if chubby also means superhot.)


I mean, i'm not crazy  right?

That's a pose that says: "I star in my own show,  and I'm rocking this hot pink dress, bitches."

But when you set aside all the ways this woman is a trail blazer, you're left with an unsatisfied itch in your ladybrain: Perhaps it's my unyielding expectation that she become the next Tina Fey, (an outcome i'm still hoping for,) or maybe it's a tropical parasite.  Whatever the reason, it's clear that Kaling's comedic voice lacks the humility, warmth, and punch of women like Tina Fey and Amy Poehler.

Unlike Fey and Poehler, Kaling seems to have become totally invested in her own celebrity--  tweeting pictures of all the expensive stuff she owns, obsessing about celebrity culture, and giddily identifying herself as "new money"--   There's nothing technically wrong with sharing one's luxurious lifestyle with the world, but it does undermine Kaling's credibility as a comedian with depth. Seriously, bragging about how fancy your life is, isn't an endearing quirk.  (even less so when Seinfeld does it. but let's not go there..) Instead, it demonstrates a grating lack of awareness--- which has now started seeping into her comedy.

On her show (of which she is head writer, ) her character frequently behaves in inexcusably inconsiderate ways-- yet, magically, is still perceived as adorable by everyone around her. When Larry David acts like a jerk on Curb your Enthusiasm, nobody on the show treats him like he's a charming whackball-- in fact, he's routinely called an asshole, and told to fuck off. On the Mindy Project, Mindy's assholish-ness is regarded as annoying or high-maintenance at worst, yet everyone remains lovingly protective of her.  Not once is her entitled, petty behavior called out....or taken to its logical conclusion. (like being hated by all her co-workers.)  She masks this trend by inserting occasional jabs at her character's weight,  (which also fills the self-deprication quota imposed on every leading lady on TV.)  But despite that, TV Mindy still gets treated like the hot, adorable girl who can get away with being rude, and selfish.... because she's just so cute. (a point the real Mindy is clearly desperate to make.)

On the show she plays a doctor, who is always surrounded by her co-workers. And like most doctors in their 30s,  she's prone to saying things like: "That's really cute. Here's a tip though. Don't try to out cute the cutest person in this office."   On top of that,  her character (much like her actual self) enjoys bragging about her wealth and success, with statements like  "I can do anything as long as it's just paying for something." (I know you think that's cute Mindy, but it's actually really obnoxious.)

Can you image Liz Lemon or Leslie Knope saying anything like that? Not that their characters are perfect-- but at least they exist in a world with social consequences.

Kaling  is so eager to project the image of a pretty,  popular girl (something she struggled with in High school) that it's  hijacked her ability to flesh out a convincing character.  Here's a hint: if you're still stuck on proving to everyone how pretty and popular you are, then you're not mature enough to be writing believable characters  based loosely on yourself.  To paraphrase my mother, 'the artist should serve her art'-- not the other way around. Unfortunately Kaling is still operating under the assumption that her art exists to serve her-- Here's hoping she'll grow up soon.