I May Be Dead, But I'm Still Pretty; On Buffy And Growing Up a Babe.

By Anči

Die Patriarchy!

This weekend, my boyfriend and I finished watching the first season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer-- it was his first viewing, and very likely my... 20th? (not really, but suffice to say, I've re-watched the show more than a few times..)
 It only took a few episodes to remind me how clever and profound the series truly is. Almost 20 years after Joss Whedon's feminist opus premiered, it still resonates just as deeply with its viewers. (the same of which, can hardly be said of most shows that old.)
 
Another thing that struck me, is that even after all the Girl Power type shows i've watched since my introduction to Buffy, (from Lost Girl, to Veronica Mars..) none of the sexy slayer's descendants come close to diminishing the luster and power of the original chosen one. Buffy simply stands alone-- a gem, surrounded by copycats and wannabes.

I only discovered Buffy in college, but I genuinely wish I had stumbled upon it during high school, when I was at my loneliest, and least empowered. Seeing a heroine like Buffy, bravely taking on her demons--quite literally--in a suburban high school setting, would have given me someone to relate to. I think I would have felt stronger, seeing an outsider like Buffy represented as such a complex, resolute badass; when I was feeling so weak and impotent.
What makes Buffy so unique, compared to all her TV peers like say, Bo from "Lost Girl" is that she has a dynamic inner life,  not to mention a complicated set of motivations that go far beyond the standard  hot-girl-seeks-hot-guy. She has integrity and character, and is a fiercely loyal friend to her band of equally well-developed sidekicks: Xander, Willow, and Giles. (all of whom are deserving of  an analyses of their own, but maybe i'll get to them in a future post...)

Throughout the series our plucky protagonist gets dumped and played by jerky (and occasionally demonic) boyfriends, but never lets the ensuing heartbreak get in the way of her most pressing gig-- that of being the Slayer.  (Unlike her inferior counterpart Bella from those ridiculous twilight movies, who if memory serves me correctly, tried to drown herself when the sparkly guy went away.) More importantly, Buffy never takes shit from men in her life-- even and especially when she happens to be in love with them.
Even and especially if it means ending up alone. (Whereas Carrie Bradshaw always found her way back to shitty, abusive Big, and my beloved Veronica Mars always found her way back to shitty abusive Logan. And no, don't say he loves her. He's still shitty.)

 I wish I had internalized Buffy's brand of conviction throughout my own tumultuous teenage years... but sadly, I was of the variety of girl who would fall apart at every rejection--romantic, or social. And the idea that someone like me could not only overcome obstacles like betrayal, and abandonment, but also continue 'slaying' her own forces of darkness despite such adversity, just didn't occur to me.
It wasn't that Buffy didn't suffer heartbreaks just like any other person. On the contrary, she was pretty prone to falling into deep depressions-- most unnervingly, after hooking up with one cute college boy, only to be brushed off and discarded immediately thereafter. Of course it's understandable that such a brutal sendoff would leave our slayer feeling hurt and confused; even plunging her into a temporary spiral of anxiety and self-doubt. But the key here was, that at no point did this crisis disorient or displace Buffy's deeply held convictions about her purpose on earth....which is kinda the whole point of "not taking shit" from someone, and which is a distinction I couldn't wrap my head around at that age. I simply didn't understand that while depression wasn't necessarily a sign of weakness, (but rather a healthy, normal reaction to crushing disappointment,) losing oneself as a result, was.
 As far as I was concerned, I would never escape the black hole of my adolescent angst, because I didn't appreciate that there were still fights to be had. Fights and struggles, that were actually worthy of my time and attention; setbacks and obstacles that would shape me into a stronger more compassionate, competent woman. And what all of that comprehension boils down to, is having a sense of self-- which Buffy undeniably did.



But now for a few stray observations on the very last episode of season 1 (which is currently freshest in my mind:) Trust me guys, this is sexy stuff!
So here we see a beautiful Buffy dressed in a white prom dress (a deliberate choice of color) getting ready for her final confrontation with The Master. (A deliberate choice of moniker.)  Awesomely enough, this Master, AKA the leader of the Vampires, is meant to be an obvious metaphor for The Patriarchy. He is the ultimate oppressive force in Buffy's life, and as such, suffers from the same delusions of grandeur harbored by most patriarchs of his creepy ilk.
 In this case, the master unwisely bets on the the slayer's demise, once he "impresses" upon her several (unimpressive) inches of pointy yellow teeth.  Surely, it's a violation  no woman could recover from, he reasons. [it even says so in his holy book!] But like most women who have been penetrated against their will, Buffy doesn't stay down for long. With the help of two of her friends, she gets up;  her billowy white dress filthy from the fight... (so much symbolism, guyssss!)

and by the end of the episode she has tracked down and slayed her vampire, in an epic moment of reverse-penetration. (Who needs penis envy when we have stakes?)

A feminist viewing of "The Witches of East End"

The Attractive White Women of East End

By Anči


After reviewing American Horror story: Coven,  I decided to check out the other formidable sisterhood on television: Introducing Witches of East End, a deliciously soapy substitute for the 90's witch-drama "Charmed" (and the subject of the second edition of our Women and Horror series. Woohoo!) 

sigh: the original three

Unlike its 90s predecessor, East end doesn't center around three hot sisters---but rather around a hot mother, and her two hot daughters, and their even hotter aunt. (Played by Twin Peaks' Madchen Amick, who at 42, looks like this:)

it's shelly!

For all its 'charmed' trappings, this "Lifetime" series makes for fun, mindless viewing...if you discount some of the blatant sexism: as exemplified by one of the first lines in the pilot, uttered by elder sister Ingrid, to her much hotter younger sister Freya: "You only have one super power, and it's your breasts."   (See? It's funny, 'cause it's NOT true.  Cause... She's a witch. They both are. That's the show!)

The good news is that the series premise is still pretty intriguing.  Like I said, we have three women: mother Joanna and her daughters hot Freya and lame Ingrid who are all witches-- but neither hot Freya nor lame Ingrid know it until their sassy spell casting aunt Wendy comes to town.

Standard stuff right? except there's a twist: It seems the family matriarch Joanna, (last seen blowing John Slattery on Mad Men,)  has been cursed with the 'gift' of "endless motherhood." meaning she's had to birth and bury the same two daughters, Ingrid and Freya for the last few centuries--all the while remaining immortal herself.
Determined not to lose her daughters  to witchcraft again, she decides that this time around she won't teach them about their magical abilities....opting to raise them as muggles, instead.  Hilarity ensues when a fully-grown Freya causes shit to blow up with only her thoughts... prompting the question "Am I magic?"
(Yes Freya, you are! And not just because of your rack!)

" Mommy, how come Freya gets to be the hot sister?"

While the setup's neither revolutionary nor  sophisticated,  I do find Mama Joanna's particular curse to be interesting. Or as the eternal child-bearer puts it: "Do you know how many times I gave birth before they invented the epidural? Or soap?"Yikes!

"If only I had magic powers to make the labor pains stop!"

Oh yeah, and there's also a love triangle, centered around hot Freya.  All you really need to know about that is that the masculine parties are brothers, and that their names are Dash (ugh) and Killian. The rest can be summed up  by the phrase,  "brooding hot people," oh and this picture:

"Which emaciated ken doll do I pick?"

Like every supernatural show on television, Witches employs a number of problematic tropes-- which I am eager to talk about right now:

For one thing, I have to call out the writers, for sticking in a random mystical pregnancy in episode one (really?  You couldn't save that card for season three?) Yes, they literally introduced a character, for the sole purpose of magically knocking her up... and like, nothing else. (Oh and, that character also happens to be black, which historically doesn't bode well for the onscreen gestator. [See: any other SFF show])
While I remain skeptical of the showrunner's intentions here, a part of me is curious to see how this contrived "procreation" of events gets justified in later episodes.  As the brilliant feminist critic Anita Sarkeesian  points out: “It’s common practice for Hollywood writers to have their female characters become pregnant at some point in their TV series. These story lines are almost always built around women who have their ovaries harvested by aliens or serve as human incubators for demon spawn – basically the characters are reduced to their biological functions.”

My uterus is a beacon

We've seen this trend over and over again, from shows like Charmed, to American Horror Story to Angel, to Battlestar Galactica, to Doctor Who and Torchwood. So honestly, i'm not holding out for a twist on the old formula.
(And as of this moment, my money is on a future demon-spawn reveal.)


The second thing I want to scold the writers about, is their blatant use of "dead black guy"
That's right: As expected the first character with actual lines to die, ends up being the only black guy on the entire show.  The kicker? His death was the direct result of Ingrid's passion for him. (who saw that coming?)
And with that,  we're served yet again with a cheap version of the sexist succubus trope. You know, the one that ties female love/sexuality to the demise of an innocent man? 

 And the last thing I want to confront the show about,  is its endless conflation of love with drama. It's clear that as an audience we're supposed to be pulled apart by the Freya-Dash-Killian love triangle.  As per any dysfunctional epic, both brothers are desperately in love with the same woman... which is super romantic. Except for the part where both brothers are also incredible jerks. (Something the show never acknowledges.) For one thing, Freya's fiance, Dash repeatedly hides things from her-- from the fact that he even has a brother, to the fact that he's been engaged before, to his ex-fiance's mysterious suicide. I don't know about you, but if the man I was slated to marry turned out to have a bunch of secrets like that, I'd feel pretty betrayed and manipulated.
But no, hot Freya appears to be little more than annoyed at the string of shocking revelations that accompany her betrothal. Then there's Killian who is blatantly hitting on his brother's soon-to-be wife. Romantic? No.That's like, the ultimate dick-move.   (And the fact that Freya keeps flirting with Killian while engaged to his brother is just... gross.)

Hey girl, don't tell my brother I wanna bone you.

I'm the dumb fiancee who either can't read the chemistry between my bro and my ho, or... more likely, is in the closet.  I'll let my spray tan do the deciding.

Thoughts?

Review: American Horror Story Coven: A festival of teething vaginas.

By Anči

not sure what's going on here, but the dismembered legs are definitely creepy.

This article marks the first edition of my "Women and horror" series.
I started putting this piece together after watching the premiere  episode of American Horror Story: Coven; aptly titled "Bitchcraft." (Though, I think we all agree that "A Festival of Teething Vaginas" makes infinitely more sense.)
Anyway,  I got distracted, and forgot I was planning on reviewing the season 3 opener, so here I am three weeks later, catching up:

BRIEF INTRO: The pilot opens on New Orleans 1834, in the luxurious estate of Delphine LaLaurie, a deceptively maternal and bloodthirstily psychotic slave owner, obsessed with power and beauty. In one of the first scenes, we see her applying blood to her face, in some creepy attempt at recapturing youth, or... perhaps recalling her long-lost period. 

Turns out the blood she's been slathering on her skin, comes from the group of African slaves, she's holding captive in her basement, for the purposes of... evildoing and unpleasantness (We're fed a glimpse of this, after Delphine banishes a handsome young slave to her torture chamber, for having consensual sex with her pretty white daughter.)

So far, we're off to a great start.

The story then advances a couple centuries, to present day, where we are met with a young couple in the throes of doing it. (presumably for the first time.)  And  because this is a horror show, we can guess how this scene will play out. (Hint: not with two satisfied sighs, after a mutually fulfilling flurry of fistings.) Turns out, the fornicating protagonist,  Zoe, has been afflicted with a particular brand of vagina dentata,  wherein her amorous passions propel her sex-buddy into a bloody seizure, culminating in his violent, and disgusting death. Oh and, Zoe's also a witch; which she discovers soon thereafter. (although the murderous hoohah should have been a giveaway.)

Cut to a scene of Zoe boarding a train, on her way to witch school...  where I guess the bulk of the storyline is supposed to take place. [In the background, creepy music signals oncoming doom.]

At the academy, she meets a group of fellow students: Nan, Queenie, and the beautiful Madison-- who is also a movie star. (Portrayed by Julia Roberts' look alike niece, Emma Roberts.)
Additional  players also include, headmistress Cordelia Foxx, and her mother, the "Supreme Witch" Fiona Goode, who's introductory scene echoes that of her slave-carving predecessor's, Delphine LaLaurie, from centuries before. (alzheimer patients: see first paragraph. Then send me that overdue birthday present. And this time include a receipt.)
Just like Delphine, the Supreme Witch Fiona is obsessed with youth and beauty. And just like Delphine, she resorts to torturing a man of color to attain it.
Only in this case, the man in question is a scientist,  who has been developing a formula to reverse the effects of aging. Naturally,  Fiona blackmails him into injecting her with this time-erasing serum, and when it doesn't work, she kills him.... by literally sucking the life force out of him, with a rousing tongue-kiss. (Turns out our saggy Supreme also has something in common with supernatural newbie Zoe, eh? Interesting how this particular genre associates destruction with women's sexualities.)

nothing phallic going on here.

But positioning female desire as a source of evil is nothing new-- in fact, it's a pretty hackneyed convention. And given this fact, you'd think the writer's would fork over something fresher, to justify their supernatural salmagundi. If not for the problematic nature of the original formula, then at least for the sake of quality television. Or maybe, out of respect for their viewers?
Also worth considering: Since genuine spookyness lies is in the unknown,  recycling tropes like the virgin/whore complex is the last thing a horror show wants to be doing. Predictability is the surest way to kill the mood. (in the genre, and in the shower.) How many times must the public be served with requisite killer vaginas before hollywood figures out that that shit is tired? Where are the screams? Where's the surprise? Booooring.

 And it gets 'better,' when the episode takes an awkward rapey turn. (awkward in terms of story flow. I'm not making light of rape. Please no letters. Unless they're taped to that birthday present you owe me, old man.)
In an abrupt change of pace, we cut back to Zoe (of deadly 'down there' fame) who goes to a party with her fellow school-witch Madison, (of Julia Roberts relation fame.)  A bunch of crazy shit ensues, beginning with a group of frat boys who spike Madison's drink, before systematically gang raping her-- in one of the most disturbing scenes I have ever illegally watched on my laptop.
Note however, that disturbing doesn't necessarily translate to compelling horror. As thrilling and gruesome as it is, the primary function of graphic imagery is to act as a flimsy substitute for content.  In this case, the effects play like the lazy byproduct of a  "buzzed" writer's room.. (Though I have no statistics to back that up.)  So....Still not impressed!

I did find the subsequent revenge scene very gratifying though: When a recovering/raging Madison,  uses the sorcery in her pinky to flip over the bus filled with her fleeing assailants--along with several of their innocent peers. Sad-face.

But that's when things get... complicated, and (for once,) much to the credit of the show writers:
Now Zoe (of the blossoming bear-trap) who witnessed the rape of her friend, is devastated to discover that one of the boys who perished in the enchanted bus-flipping, was a sweet guy she had met at the party. Her despair is further compounded by the reveal that the sole surviving member of the bus crash, was the ringleader of Madison's gang-rapists-- the mastermind who had deliberately deceived and drugged her, before violating her unconscious body.

If you remember from seven sentences ago, Zoe's magical curse is her toxic temple, which turns out to be useful here:  Yes, that's right: In a fit of righteous anger,  Zoe rapes the comatose rapist, until his head explodes and he dies.
 (pause for effect..)

To me, this particular plot device worked. As far-fetched as it sounds,  within the framework of a shaky storyline founded in patriarchy and rape culture, bla bla bla...  the retribution was justified, and very nearly saved the episode.
It goes without saying that most people including me are against rape, but because this show operates on the level of fairy tales, in its use of metaphor and symbolism, the "reverse-rape" scenario, provided us with a comforting revenge fantasy steeped in fictional-justice. After all, if every rapist was treated to a round of retributive rape,  women might feel safer going out at night, or riding the bus topless. And as a female viewer who felt genuinely threatened during the gratuitously drawn-out gang rape scene, I enjoyed the momentary vindication at the episode's climax  as I'm sure many other women did. Any thoughts?

For more discussions of AHS: Coven, stay tuned for my next episode of "Women and Horror"

Rebel Wilson's not just a 'fat girl.'

By Ana CL

So I was pretty excited when I heard that Rebel Wilson was coming out with her own show. She's an insanely fierce funnywomen, blessed with killer comedic timing, and a hulkish on-camera presence, to rival any network front-liner's.  (swoooon!)
Not to mention that unlike many other TV-actresses,  Ms. Wilson doesn't have the dainty limbs, or model-like proportions necessary to mask a weak  performance. (I'm looking at you, Whitney Cummings. That's right, thin+snarky doesn't a comedienne make!)
All in all, a solid start for Rebel. (and a bitchy start for me, amirite?)


But after checking out the first 2 episodes of her sitcom, (Super Fun Night), I was forced to conclude that the new series was not only undeserving of the high-powered feminist anticipation it's been afforded, but undeserving of Rebel Wilson herself.

It seems that like her fellow plus-size comedienne Melissa McCarthy, Rebel's been relegated to the network basement of fat-jokes,  populated by zingers like “The only trophy I ever won was for the ‘guess the weight of your own boobs’ competition." Other such highlights involve scenes of Rebel's character Kimmie,  barreling into a meeting  unannounced--  after hearing jelly donuts would be served. Unsurprisingly, this moment is then followed by a cringeworthy admission on Kimmie's part, recounting a time her hand got stuck in a vending machine. ( On TV, fatness must always be justified with hillariously undignified antics.)

That's right, with all her starpower, ABC couldn't trust Rebel Wilson to carry a show about anything other than weight-gags. It's not even that i'm against 'mean-humor' per se, (yes, it's problematic, but it's also a delicious staple of network Television. ) I just find it disappointing that the creators of  her character, couldn't be bothered to come up with any other traits to goof on, than the obvious size factor.

(Plus, it just seems like lazy writing, to say "hey guys, she's fat" and then coast for the rest of the episode.)

Hilarious! let's turn this into a whole episode!

On top of that, the show  does Kimmie the additional disservice of desexualizing her. (A standard practice on  TV, where fat womens' sexualities are either erased, or played for laughs.) We're acquainted with this impulse early on in the pilot, when a beautiful co worker named Kendall asks Kimmie about her relationship with their boss's son.  The ensuing exchange goes:

 Kimmie: "Richard and I are just friends."
Kendall: "with benefits?"
Kimmie:"is sharing stationary a benefit?"

Really, a grown woman is so clueless about sex, she doesn't know the term "friends with benefits?" Are you kidding me with that, writers?


Sadly, our sassy heroine doesn't fair much better in the second episode, wherein she and her friends sign up for an online dating service (Quick poll: How many people foresee imminent humiliation?) :  And after securing a response from some guys looking for a group outing, (is that a thing?) they discover its only because Kimmie had pretended to be a Russian model.

Get it? Fat women are undesirable liars, who need to trick men into going out with them. How novel. 


What are your thoughts?

Why Mindy Kaling irritates me.

 By Anči

I've been a conflicted fan of Mindy Kaling's for a while now-- on the one hand, she's a wickedly refreshing presence in the media-- as the first Indian-American star of a network show, ('The Mindy Project,' which she also created,) a respected comedy writer who's penned a best-selling memoir, along with multiple "the office" episodes... it's pretty clear the lady is a badass. Oh and I didn't even mention her deliciously abundant exterior-- the likes of which are so rarely featured on TV.  ( she likes to call herself 'chubby.'  I say sure, if chubby also means superhot.)


I mean, i'm not crazy  right?

That's a pose that says: "I star in my own show,  and I'm rocking this hot pink dress, bitches."

But when you set aside all the ways this woman is a trail blazer, you're left with an unsatisfied itch in your ladybrain: Perhaps it's my unyielding expectation that she become the next Tina Fey, (an outcome i'm still hoping for,) or maybe it's a tropical parasite.  Whatever the reason, it's clear that Kaling's comedic voice lacks the humility, warmth, and punch of women like Tina Fey and Amy Poehler.

Unlike Fey and Poehler, Kaling seems to have become totally invested in her own celebrity--  tweeting pictures of all the expensive stuff she owns, obsessing about celebrity culture, and giddily identifying herself as "new money"--   There's nothing technically wrong with sharing one's luxurious lifestyle with the world, but it does undermine Kaling's credibility as a comedian with depth. Seriously, bragging about how fancy your life is, isn't an endearing quirk.  (even less so when Seinfeld does it. but let's not go there..) Instead, it demonstrates a grating lack of awareness--- which has now started seeping into her comedy.

On her show (of which she is head writer, ) her character frequently behaves in inexcusably inconsiderate ways-- yet, magically, is still perceived as adorable by everyone around her. When Larry David acts like a jerk on Curb your Enthusiasm, nobody on the show treats him like he's a charming whackball-- in fact, he's routinely called an asshole, and told to fuck off. On the Mindy Project, Mindy's assholish-ness is regarded as annoying or high-maintenance at worst, yet everyone remains lovingly protective of her.  Not once is her entitled, petty behavior called out....or taken to its logical conclusion. (like being hated by all her co-workers.)  She masks this trend by inserting occasional jabs at her character's weight,  (which also fills the self-deprication quota imposed on every leading lady on TV.)  But despite that, TV Mindy still gets treated like the hot, adorable girl who can get away with being rude, and selfish.... because she's just so cute. (a point the real Mindy is clearly desperate to make.)

On the show she plays a doctor, who is always surrounded by her co-workers. And like most doctors in their 30s,  she's prone to saying things like: "That's really cute. Here's a tip though. Don't try to out cute the cutest person in this office."   On top of that,  her character (much like her actual self) enjoys bragging about her wealth and success, with statements like  "I can do anything as long as it's just paying for something." (I know you think that's cute Mindy, but it's actually really obnoxious.)

Can you image Liz Lemon or Leslie Knope saying anything like that? Not that their characters are perfect-- but at least they exist in a world with social consequences.

Kaling  is so eager to project the image of a pretty,  popular girl (something she struggled with in High school) that it's  hijacked her ability to flesh out a convincing character.  Here's a hint: if you're still stuck on proving to everyone how pretty and popular you are, then you're not mature enough to be writing believable characters  based loosely on yourself.  To paraphrase my mother, 'the artist should serve her art'-- not the other way around. Unfortunately Kaling is still operating under the assumption that her art exists to serve her-- Here's hoping she'll grow up soon.