Tuesday, April 8, 2014

"Don't Risk Dudeness," warns hair removal company

By Anči

By now, most of you have probably caught wind of this  super creative, new hair-removal ad for the unattractive she-hulk.  (BTW, when i say "super creative" I mean  cliched, predictable, and alluringly gay.)

So yes: Veet, (a body wax company responsible for every single one of my weird skin rashes,) thinks it's being very clever by comparing hairy women to men. (Although, how clever can they really be, if my 8th grade bully Alex McPopular was able to rub both of his braincells together long enough to formulate that exact same dig?  Did I mention that thanks to him, my nickname in 8th grade was "jungle legs?" [which quickly devolved into hallway hollers of  "lesbian?!" Well Jokes on you now, Alex, because lesbians actually know how to please a woman.*]

But the point is, that my childhood traumas keep my therapist very busy, and that these merchants of galbrousness (as the the makers of Veet shall evermore be known) need to come up with a different approach while hawking hair removal at women. I know its a hard sell, but there has to be a better way to encourage a nation of consumerist broads to indulge in a sensual bath of  boiling wax, (followed by some relaxing ripping sounds, as our body hair is forcefully uprooted by an unapproachable,  [yet very shapely!]  Russian lass.)
Maybe i'm just naive, but I'm sure Veet's creative team can come up with a more friendly pitch than "Inside every hairy woman is a pair of undescended testicles, waiting to bust out. BUY OUR PRODUCT!"

may I suggest adopting a company mascot instead?

*In case that burn was too sophisticated for you, boo boo, i'm saying you've never successfully pleasured a lady.


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