Guys: That Thing You Call "Female privilege" Is Actually Just Whiny Male Syndrome.

By Anči

Some of you may have recently come across the widely shared thoughtcatalog article, called 18 Things Female Seem To Not Understand (Because Female Privilege.) 
I almost feel silly calling attention to something so obviously ridiculous, but because this a perspective that so many people (erroneously) hold, I'm going to grit my teeth and fire back as best I can.

So, for starters:
Number 1) " Female privilege is being able to walk down the street at night without people crossing the street because they’re automatically afraid of you."
um, sweetheart? Have you bothered to ask yourself WHY women cross the street when they see you? (Because I promise you we don't do that for every guy.) Maybe we see you leering at us, or maybe you just smell really bad? (Have you even tried old spice? It does wonders for the butt area.) Or maybe ya know,  most women have been harassed, abused, raped too many times to feel comfortable walking past another whiny looking bro like you?  But no by all mean keep feeling sorry for YOUR smelly self because hot chicks run away when they see you. (Ha. Loser)

Number 2)  "Female privilege is being able to approach someone and ask them out without being labeled “creepy.”"
Okay so clearly the overarching theme here is that women find YOU creepy. Got it. (Also... instead of blaming womenkind for that, maybe you should stop acting like a dirty creep?)

Number 3)  "Female privilege is being able to get drunk and have sex without being considered a rapist." Awww, women consider you a rapist? It must be so hard for you-- but here's a tip that could serve you very well in the future: Stop. Raping Women.

 Number 4) "Female privilege is being able to turn on the TV and see yourself represented in a positive way."
 If by "in a positive way" you mean as  a straight, skinny white woman with perky titties, and a black best friend, then hooray! Patriarchy is dead!

Number 5)  "Female privilege is saving yourself before you save others and not being viewed as a monster." That's why no one harasses women on their way to getting an abortion.. In fact people are outright kind to women who choose to prioritize themselves over their unwanted fetus. Man being a woman IS easy.

Number 6) "Female privilege is being able to decide not to have a child."
My heart bleeds for George Clooney who doesn't have that same option. (what?)

Number 7) "Female privilege is not having to support a child financially for 18 years when you didn’t want to have it in the first place."
You're right. I bet there isn't a single woman out there who was forced to have a child she didn't want.

Number 8) "Female privilege is never being told to “take it like a man” or “man up.”"
 No, we just get told to "shut up and spread' em."

Number 9) "Female privilege is knowing that people would take it as a gravely serious issue if someone raped you."
Yes, I'm sure people would take me very seriously if I said I was raped-- especially if my rapist were an important, powerful man. Or if I had been seen wearing a short skirt in his presence... or If I had a reputation for having lots of sexual partners. Or if I was an elderly woman, or a teenager.

Number 10)"Female privilege is being able to divorce your spouse... because you know you will most likely be granted custody of your children."
Yes female privilege is people assuming that women want to be stuck with the majority of child rearing duties. And my question to the daddies that are just soooo sad about losing custody of their children: who was the one changing your children's diapers, during this little marriage? Did you and your wife divide up parenting duties equally? If not, what makes you think you deserve custody?

Number 11) "Female privilege is being able to call the police in a domestic dispute knowing they will take your side."
 Yes female privilege is being asked whether you did something to provoke your husband into hitting you.... or  the fact that Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women—more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined.

Number 12)" Female privilege is being able to be caring or empathetic without people being surprised."  Yes, female privilege is being told to "calm down" and "Stop being emotional" whenever we deign to express any feeling that a man might find objectionable.

Number 13) " Female privilege is not having to take your career seriously because you can depend on marrying someone who makes more money than you do. Female privilege is being able to be a “stay at home mom” and not seem like a loser."
All sarcasm aside, I started laughing when I read this. How dumb is this guy that he's able to complain (without a trace of irony) that women can  "depend on marrying someone who makes more money than you do?" Because making 77 cents for every dollar a man makes at the same job is suuuuch a privilege. We're so lucky men get paid more than us! And as for his assertion that women are "able" to be stay-at-home moms (for free!) without feeling like losers, let me just say this: I bet you're just dying to spend your day at home changing diapers, dude. No really. I bet its your dream in life to be overlooked and ignored whenever someone asks you what you do, and you smile and say "I'm a stay-at-home-parent." Man those bitches have it made!

Number 14)  "Female privilege is being able to cry your way out of a speeding ticket."
 Yes this is a female privilege... which would explain why every overweight, poor black woman has been able to do this.

Number 15) "Female privilege is being favored by teachers in elementary, middle and high school. Female privilege is graduating high school more often, being accepted to more colleges, and generally being encouraged and supported along the way."
yes and then still making 77 to the dollar that all your less educated male peers make! (Oh and I'd like to know which elementary school you went to buddy, because according to this study boys get called on in class a lot more than girls do.)

Number 16) Female privilege is being able to have an opinion without someone tell you you’re just “a butthurt fedora-wearing neckbeard who can’t get any.”
Yeaaah I'm pretty sure that's not as universal to men as you think it is, and is actually something exclusively said to butthurt fedora-wearing neckbeards who can't get any. (sorry bro.)

Number 17) "Female privilege is being able to talk about sexism without appearing self-serving."
 That's why we never get called entitled bitches, or cunts....

Number 18)  "Female privilege is arrogantly believing that sexism only applies to women." 
If only one of feminism's tenets were that "Patriarchy hurts men too." Oh wait, it is! But you'd know that if you weren't such a butthurt fedora-wearing neckbeard who couldn't get any!